February 2012
24 posts
omg you know when you drain the bath and when theres not much water left it makes that “grohgrohgrgrhghrgohgrohgrgrhg” noise right?? well i just flushed the toilet and then like 20 seconds later the toilet made that noise for AGES and it was so loud and i shat myself and just stood there shaking with fear at the toilet growling at me
then i got some biscuits because i felt like i...
this one time my friend opened one of the computers at school (they were like built into the desk and folded up it was weird) and someone had managed to pull the wire out of the mouse and they just left a post-it note on the mouse saying “soz” IHDTSJHskjahtahjtahaHHhAHAHAHA sometimes i love my school
You know them fake Facebook-chat-style popups that are for porn websites well one appeared earlier like “I’ve got pussy warts. Lol just kidding, I’m clean….sort of”
Is that sexy?? Like is anyone going to be aroused by that???
Anonymous asked: soo I sent you a valentine's day e-card but it says you still didn't view it.. type in tumblrlinks[dót]cóm/?flamethrowers69 then sign up as ''flamethrowers69'' and view premium inbox
remember that time a few months ago when i was ill and every time i coughed a considerable amount of mucus would fly out of my mouth
it was like a defense mechanism, octopuses have ink, i had flem
omfg im watching americas next top model and this girl has asperges and everyone i know pronounces it “asspurjiz” but tyra keeps saying “assburgers”
2 tags
mum: is anyone going to be your valentine tomorrow
me: no
mum: aw thats sad, dont worry you can sit with me and dad and have some trifle
the other night it was fucking minus 14 degrees outside so one of our radiator pipes froze and my parents had to pull up the floorboards and thaw it out with a hairdryer lol fuck you weather
i just read some writing on a pizza box as “fresh douchebag” when it said “fresh dough base” and now im watching a youtube video of a mexican playing mario and he pronounces coins “kwons”
just a quick update on my life
“so no one told you life was gonna be this way DHDUHDUDHUDHUDHUDH
your jobs a joke youre broke, the gobplobs beyo graaaaaaay”
omg what does the friends theme tune actually say at that last bit??? its one of lifes biggest mysteries
i just went to the dentist and i hate mine because the guy has the WORST monobrow ever and his face is like a millimetre away from mine when hes looking at my teeth and all i can see is his eyebrows and oh god its traumatic
my friends know someone they used to go school with whos mum was really religious and she wouldnt let him watch spongebob because she thought spongebob was gay
oh and they couldnt watch harry potter because of the evil blasphemous witchcraft
a word i cant spell:
nessascary
nescassary
nesacary
nessacsary
nescasary
nessacary
nessesary
nessescary
nescesary
necessary oH NO WIGGLY RED LINE THERE WE GO only took 10 tries
lol my great great uncle was a famous cartoonist in wales and hes dead now but they have brewed a beer in his honor omfg what a claim to fame
http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/2011/08/17/new-beer-brewed-in-honour-of-late-cartoonist-gren-91466-29249314/
2 tags
today we had an assembly that we were forced into going to like it wasnt optional and it was like a blind date valentines day thing where they got a bunch of student up on stage and this fucking annoying attention seeking boy hosted it and he was wearing a shirt and a waistcoat but also flip flops?? is that supposed to be funny?? like is that a joke i dont understand?? and then the whole thing was...
today a girl in my psychology class who i hate was wearing entirely brown clothing and she looked like a poo and i laughed
theres this girl in my chemistry class who’s really weird and has like no social skills and she just kind of mutters strange middle class ramblings under her breath all the time and i think shes trying to talk to me but i just kind of ignore her or just smile and nod lol, also she moves in slow motion which is both creepy but also fascinating to watch
oh and her facebook profile picture is...
January 2012
59 posts
2 tags
oh wow i just got told that my granddad has bladder cancer and its spread and theres nothing they can do about it other than a few proceedures to slow down the spreading of it but other than that theres no cure well this fucking sucks
Anonymous asked: Maybe you don't agree with blood or organ donations but they save a lot of peoples lives. I know several people, including my mom, who wouldn't be alive without them.
today we had an assembly where a man who used to have leukemia tried to emotionally blackmail us into giving blood and becoming organ donors well HA you cant steal my liver through a powerpoint presentation containing some photos of dying people iTS MY LIVER AND IM QUITE FOND OF IT GO AWAY
1 tag
im so lame like i literally waste hours a day reading random articles, earlier i was learning ‘bout anaesthetic and now im learning about how paracetemol is toxic to both cats and snakes
what a fascinating life i lead
Im in the bath listening to the animal crossing soundtrack and drinking milk and reading a chemistry text book I am such an incredibly dull person
my mum was eating mussels and she goes “haha look at that one it looks like a ladies doo dah, i bet your friend steph (who is a lesbian) would like them”
today i had no lesson in the morning so i slept and then i was SO LATE and i was like proper running to school and i got there 3 minutes late when i normally would have been like 20 minutes late and i was SO PROUD and then i got to my lesson and there was no one there and it turns out my lesson got cancelled so i fucking legged it for nothing
then i decided to skip my next lesson in favour for...
one of the schools i go to is so lame they dont even have enough test tubes for the whole class (which is only like 25 people) and we needed to do a pratical so they had to split us up into two groups and do the experiments on different days
thats just embarrassing
today some random chavvy girls kept poking me as i was walking along and i was like…………………..what and they were like HI and i was like…………………………..hi and they were like OMG WEVE MADE A FRIEND IN SIXTH FORM OMG AHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHAHHAHA WOOO FRIEND YAY FRIEND and then i turned around and fled into a...
1 tag
last year i was told i failed my btec business studies course and i was well pissed because WHO fails a BTEC BUSINESS COURSE it was the easiest course ever and then i got exam certificates today and turns out i actually got a distinction which is the equivalent of 4 A-grade gcses HA I WIN
my dad told me that when he was at school he was behaving badly so he got kicked out of class and into a gardening class with the stupid kids for a week and some boy throw a lump of mud at him and he hit it with a shovel and it smashed a window and hit a teacher in their ear and went deaf for the day
i love my physics teacher he has an action figure of albert einstein on top of his whiteboard and once in lesson he plugged his ipod into a speaker and played westlife
last night me and my friend watched a tv show about sex for like 3 hours and just wow i am amazed at both the creativity and quantity of euphemisms of the word “penis”
friend: why is miss congeniality called miss congeniality?
me: because you know like congeniality..like the word congealed shes hidden you know if somethings hidden its congealed
friend: dan, the word youre thinking of is "concealed"
Watchmynameisdifferent:
SHE SAID DOOP
Hey look a video of me
some girl in my psychology class simultaneously got her bag stolen and spat on today
and i MISSED IT HOW ANNOYING i mean sure you can say its unlucky that that happened to her but i didnt even get to witness the spectacle
im the real victim here
1 tag
my grandad and his girlfriend are on holiday in spain for the month and she got too drunk and sprained her ankle dancing and now my grandads having to push her round in a wheelchair in spain for the rest of the month iahdsadfsga
i dropped a crumpet on the floor this morning and i went to pick it up to eat it lol but my dad saw so i felt like i was going to be judged fucken family i wanted that crumpet